When your neurodivergent child needs you at bedtime and throughout the night it can often lead to feeling guilty about wanting your bed back, this blog will give you the first steps to take.
When you’re supporting a neurodivergent child all day, every day, it is full on. But and when you are needed at night time too there is no reprieve and that takes it’s a toll on your patience, work and your relationship.
My Autistic and ADHD child needs me in bed and beside them from the moment bedtime starts and right through the night. Sound familiar? You aren’t alone. Every week I speak to parents on a free call who never intended to co sleep but it has been going on for years, and they genuinely don’t know how to get their bed back.
The guilt no one talks about
On top of the exhaustion of bed sharing with a fidgety neurodivergent, there’s often guilt.
Guilt for wanting your own bed back.
Guilt for missing out on time with your partner.
Guilt for even thinking about changing something your child has come to rely on and need.
But what I know, from all the families I’ve supported, is each and every one of them should not feel guilty at all because when in the household is sleeping better life with your neurodivergent child or a sibling feels a little easier.
Three small steps when your child sleeps all night in your bed
Step 1
Talk to your child about the idea of always starting the night in their own bed. Reassure them you’ll still be there to support them, just that starting the night in their own space is the foundation everything else builds upon.
Step 2
Make a plan together, and choose a day to make this change. A Friday night often works well, so there’s no worry about school the next day if bedtime takes longer than usual. Just two days, notice that a change is coming can help enormously, since predictability matters so much to neurodivergent children.
Step 3
If big feelings come up, validate them. Show your child you’re on their team, and that you understand where those feelings are coming from. Focus on what you will do to support them in their own bedroom, rather than what you won’t do. It can help to role play this in the days leading up to the change.
This is just the first piece of the puzzle
These three steps are a starting point, not the whole plan. When I support families one-to-one, typically over at least two months, we unpick exactly what’s going on for your child and build a clear, step-by-step plan together. It’s during the 2 months of support when the magic happens and your child begin to sleep all night in their own bed.
If any of this resonates and you’d like to explore what one-to-one support could look like for your family, I’d love to hear about your child and chat with you on a free call.
You’re not doing anything wrong — you child just feels more safe when you are with them.
